4.8.13

Why a Big Ego is the Opposite of Confidence


This is inspired by yesterdays post "How Not to Give a Fuck About What Other People Think Of You". As I wrote that, it dawned on me that a HUGE part of how we perceive other people and their actions, is through our own ego. Learning how to stop judging others will help you stop wasting energy wondering what others are saying about you. In other words, when you are used to constantly judging people you observe or come into contact with, it's only natural for you to assume that others are doing the same about you. Judging others is self projection.

Your ego is a sense of self directly derived from the comparison of others to you. A big ego is not true confidence because it's fed by other people, it's a false sense of confidence that constantly needs to be fed and does not last. The best way to lose an ego is to 1. Be honest with yourself about the real reasons you feel the need to judge people and 2. Recognize those thoughts, and STOP judging. Recognizing when you are being judgmental is half the battle. Most people just let their thoughts run through their head and they go with it...it takes courage to take control.

Ego is a big part of why people obsess so much over what other people think of them. I'm not saying that once you grow and expand your mind to recognize and stop judgmental thoughts that people will magically stop thinking negatively of you. What I am saying is that it's kind of like out of sight, out of mind. When your mind is off the petty stuff in general, it makes room for deeper thinking. You cannot control what other people do or say anyway, and trying to is futile. You can, however, choose to think beyond that. If you reduce your judgmental thoughts of others, it's a given that you wont be too concerned about their judgmental thoughts of you, or judgmental thoughts period. Also when you focus less on others, you can focus more on yourself.

Real confidence and self esteem comes from within, and can't be changed based on others opinions. Ego is the exact opposite, it's our idea of who we are based on the feedback we get from others. It lives on attention. It's a part of your psyche, but not the whole of it. It can be tempting to let it consume you, especially when people are feeding it regularly...but without have a true sense of who you are, and self esteem, you will feel hollow the minute it stops being fed. Food for thought.

[pic- surrealist oil painting by Jeff Christensen]

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